Words of advice

So remember, life is not Econ. Econ is not life.
Life is loving and giving and doing and helping and enjoying and
appreciating and changing and thanking.

-Martha L. Olney,
Spring'10 Economics professor, night before the final that will ultimately destroy me

Inspire me.

After finals, (and the very thorough celebration I will enjoy), I think it's imperative I reconsider my future. Did I force myself into something virtually impossible for me to grasp? There are things I am inherently incapable of doing, like biology or chemistry... what if I am chasing something I am not meant to do?

But do such incapabilities exist? Is the human potential all encompassing?

In essence, I am torn between idealism and pragmatism; furthermore, I am struck with this unavoidable, nagging burden of incompetence, failure, and hopelessness that outweighs any ambition, confidence, and motivation I gained this semester. Nonetheless, this is not an issue of my choices and overtly demanding mentality of this semester (self reflection can incur more harm than good). This is fundamentally an issue of worth - of fulfilling my duty to individuality, identity, and actualization. All in all, it is the lithe notion of destiny. Before I can accomplish my duty to the world - physical, social, environmental, economic, etc - I must identify my purpose and adhere to my devoid being. I cannot fathom whether my education exposed me to this inevitable search for meaning or forced me to forfeit the slightest implication of meaning I inherited, but every day, I contemplate my place in this detached world and plummet further down the twisting, intricate path of devastation I affectionately acknowledge as my existence. Eventually, I hope to crawl out and entangle myself into the world, but firstly, I must impel my mind to take initiative to overcome my desensitization and to wholly apply itself in its rare encounters with reality.

meanwhile... happy birthday to me! One year passed, one less to go... let this be as enriching as the last and I have GOT to stop having thoughts.

Spelbound - Britain's Got Talent 2010 - Auditions Week 2

Hella fucking crazy... had no idea such talent existed D:

Dear blogspot,

I realize I left you for tumblr, but I cannot say I ever really intended to do so. I miss writing like this- with full, complete sentences constructed at varying lengths. Like how English is meant to be written.

Ah yes, I did leave your traditions for that new and modernized tumblr- this much is true. "Why tumblr?" your desperate eyes cry. I don't know. Maybe I thought that because she was something everyone used, blogging would come back in. In like fashion, yaddiggg?? And I suppose it has- I mean, people find it easier to keep up with the things I write now, but really, I think I've always given you stronger content. I married Tumblr out of convenience; you can text short little messages to her (so quick & easy!), but now that it comes down to stress and anger, I have reappeared on this website. Because this is the place where I can write like this. This is home. So I'm sorry anorexicturtle.blogspot.com- I abandoned you. Like a bastard father leaving his children behind (Like Serena van der Woodsen's father [yes, I just made a Gossip Girl reference]), I suddenly returned and wounded your fragile heart without a warning.

And there is no forgiveness for I am not back for good. I realize I'm just toying with your heart, coming in when I'm falling and leaving as soon as I have healed. I leave you with no promises, no hopes, and dreams. So you don't need to welcome me with open arms because I realize I treat you like a safety net; you don't need to be here for me because I know it strains your emotions.
It is unfair, and I apologize.

But I missed you. I love you.

Jackie.

melancholy

insipid
curled up, bent up
to question is to show weakness- to question is to show insecurity
don't look back
don't regret
a song without words
a word without meaning

a body without blood
a heart without soul
a soul without purpose

to live with a cause
to die without one

yay area

Spring break has commenced! Chaos! But not... Berkeley is strangely empty and quiet. Honestly, I am enjoying every moment of it puahaha. Anyway today, on my way to Emeryville, I got off at the wrong bus stop and ended up in front of Pixar Studios. Ah, interesting the random shit that always ends up happening in my journeys to Emeryville.

We have also just secured an apartment for next year! And yes, the owner is a sex offender and trafficking fraud, but umm... the apartment is nice? In the end, we figured there was no way out- this man owns a good portion of the properties in southside.

Also, I have made a tumblr of my own, since Jacqo decided to take our domain name
Γ(=_=)" (haha) but it's okay. so for you, jerry, my only reader (:X)...

http://focho.tumblr.com

I basically made it for the sole purpose of sending pictures to the computer efficiently. Now I can record the randomass shit I take pictures of to the internet! Yippee!!!

Yesterday, I sat down and figured out my 4 year plan... it was immensely gratifying. Yeah it was IMMENSELY gratifying. It also made me more sure I'll stay in Berkeley for the summer, even if it means having to part from my beloved community college (and the best community college in the country) and my fwends D: but I will try to acquire a car and make my way in and out of the city frequently yesssssssss.........

Sigh... the things I do to please my readers HAHA. my second post dedicated to jerry li. anyway, I'm sorry for the pretty subpar writing here... if you must know, I am kind of like a red kite in the sky, and Hassan is runnin me pretty hard. puahaha (yeah, Kite Runner reference wassaaaaP)

PEACE LOVE UNITY AND RESPECT

aimless

getting swallowed in the wind tunnel
losing parts every day