All it took was Malware... and 3 hours early morning of battling it out against the 'AntiVirus 360' worm and dozens of Trojan Vundos. My computer crashed about four times, the screen turned a deadly blue two times, and I repeatedly slammed my face into my laptop, wailing, the whole way through. Just imagining a parasitic worm wiggling through my precious Pikey repulsed me. I was a mother watching her child get sick- really sick- after a week of fevers and coughs, and it was such a helpless feeling.
But healing my laptop is such a relief. I felt pretty hacker logging into my system configuration and registry; I feel like I know my computer better now. I guess whipping my child really lets our blood flow as one. (ha ha ha.)
Anyways, I shall be more careful where I go now. I'm pretty sure the trojans came from all the Chuck I was watching on different sites. This is why I do not trust sidereel but... desperate times called for desperate measures.
I've been pretty disconnected from the world this week- mostly because I spent most of my days sleeping and watching Chuck. Thursday was probably the worst because I had no cellphone and the viruses affected my gtalk and facebook- cut off from all means of communication.
I finally uploaded pictures from Korea onto my laptop, and I plan to pick out a few to put in a facebook album. Because nothing is official until it is on facebook.
That has been my life. I think I also deserve to die in Assassin because I am very half-assing this game now. Eyes on the prize.
today was also an adventure. Oh, the things we sacrifice to see some pandas on a wall.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
ash wednesday
Today is Ash Wednesday... though I don't know the exact significance of the day, I know it marks the beginning of Lent. That, I know a bit more about: Jesus battling his way through the desert for 40 days, never falling into Satan's many temptations. Although I can rarely call myself a Catholic on any given day, there is something about Lent that intrigues me; it seems to be the only religious "holiday" that I actually follow. Traditionally, someone would sacrifice something prominent in his or her life for 40 days; I know people who gave up things like facebook (unspeakable!), meat (disgrace to the family name), or just plain sweets (Chocolat, anyone?). I could never really sacrifice anything because of my lack of self control, but I do try fixing small things- lying less, spending carefully, or working harder. Anyways, I haven't decided what I should try doing this year, but I think it's about time I step down from the high horse for a while and try battling some of my vices... not religiously, really- never religiously.
Speaking of vices, I recently made a list of all the TV shows I watch on a regular basis. I won't list them here, but I can name about 14 shows on primetime that I follow. Sad? Pretty much. I don't really know when I started watching all these TV shows since I don't even have a functional TV in my house, but I guess that's just the beauty of the internet.
Lastly, I heard a poem in lit today that just made me shiver a little. Maybe it was just my terrible lack of sleep (THANKS, JET LAG), but still. Don't taunt me. Somethings just really touch me sometimes, you know? (that is not what she said)
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-Fire and Ice by Robert Frost
Speaking of vices, I recently made a list of all the TV shows I watch on a regular basis. I won't list them here, but I can name about 14 shows on primetime that I follow. Sad? Pretty much. I don't really know when I started watching all these TV shows since I don't even have a functional TV in my house, but I guess that's just the beauty of the internet.
Lastly, I heard a poem in lit today that just made me shiver a little. Maybe it was just my terrible lack of sleep (THANKS, JET LAG), but still. Don't taunt me. Somethings just really touch me sometimes, you know? (that is not what she said)
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-Fire and Ice by Robert Frost
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
everything is transient?
quick update on my life while I am across the universe..
Korea is really different from what I remember 2.5 years ago. That summer before my sophomore year is a vague haze of finding my way around the subway station, rotting in some bullshit sat class, shedding my money like hair, dragging my aunt to the department store every day, stopping at every food cart on the street, watching my stomach expand, and lying around the apartment doing nothing...
That nightmarish summer was why I had such inhibitions about going back to Korea and pushed all thoughts of my homeland away. But when my mom put down the phone one day and said, "We're going to Korea," I had all these plans of what to do, what to eat, where to go, etc, and I was nothing but morbidly excited. And maybe it's because my stay here is only a fleeting week long, but I am doing everything in my power to stay busy and on my feet. Since my camera is total rubbish, I have been using my aunt's camera to document everything interesting I see: the grey underpass, exotic Korean food, the beauty of public Korean bathrooms (leather stall doors, plastic seat covers, just omfg). This time, I came to Korea with a plan, determined to not make the same mistakes I made last time; seeing all my relatives, living in the same apartment, and visitng all the same places, I realized that Korea and this quaint city of Duk-So never changed. So when I say "Korea is really different from what I remember 2.5 years ago," I lie. Not everything is transient- in fact, most things are not. Human perception, emotion, and intellect are the very things that make us capable of change, and are ultimately what set this trip to Korea apart from others.
Generally, I can confidently say I've changed over the years, though not exactly for the better. I do miss my empathy, blissful ignorance, youthful exuberance, and capacity to love; no matter how hard I try to bring back my rose colored glasses, a façade is nothing but a façade. But each layer of naiveté I shed brings me closer to the core of matter. 6 years ago, I bought my happiness in Korea with clothes and unimaginable shopping sprees. 2.5 years ago, I bought my happiness with deep fried food and slothfulness. This time, it's only been 3 full days in Korea and I already know I am the happiest I've ever been in this country. It's not only the hand-me-downs from my aunt, or the delicious homemade meals made by my grandmother, but also the trips down to the laundromat or the supermarket or the dentist that make me happy- the long car rides, the dusty streets, the man selling dried squid for only 3 dollars. For the first time, I am truly grateful for losing my "blissful ignorance" and "youthful exuberance" because now, I can appreciate what I truly love and be happy from just being. As I started off my UC essay, "I rarely lived in reality." I always made up these fantastic, ideal worlds and threw myself into them. This time around, there's none of that; snapping myself back into reality, it's not so bad. And as of this moment, the cars zooming by, the man yelling through his intercom on the street selling his squids, and a sliver of the -10 degree draft outside seeping through the window next to me, reality might be a little beautiful.
Korea is really different from what I remember 2.5 years ago. That summer before my sophomore year is a vague haze of finding my way around the subway station, rotting in some bullshit sat class, shedding my money like hair, dragging my aunt to the department store every day, stopping at every food cart on the street, watching my stomach expand, and lying around the apartment doing nothing...
That nightmarish summer was why I had such inhibitions about going back to Korea and pushed all thoughts of my homeland away. But when my mom put down the phone one day and said, "We're going to Korea," I had all these plans of what to do, what to eat, where to go, etc, and I was nothing but morbidly excited. And maybe it's because my stay here is only a fleeting week long, but I am doing everything in my power to stay busy and on my feet. Since my camera is total rubbish, I have been using my aunt's camera to document everything interesting I see: the grey underpass, exotic Korean food, the beauty of public Korean bathrooms (leather stall doors, plastic seat covers, just omfg). This time, I came to Korea with a plan, determined to not make the same mistakes I made last time; seeing all my relatives, living in the same apartment, and visitng all the same places, I realized that Korea and this quaint city of Duk-So never changed. So when I say "Korea is really different from what I remember 2.5 years ago," I lie. Not everything is transient- in fact, most things are not. Human perception, emotion, and intellect are the very things that make us capable of change, and are ultimately what set this trip to Korea apart from others.
Generally, I can confidently say I've changed over the years, though not exactly for the better. I do miss my empathy, blissful ignorance, youthful exuberance, and capacity to love; no matter how hard I try to bring back my rose colored glasses, a façade is nothing but a façade. But each layer of naiveté I shed brings me closer to the core of matter. 6 years ago, I bought my happiness in Korea with clothes and unimaginable shopping sprees. 2.5 years ago, I bought my happiness with deep fried food and slothfulness. This time, it's only been 3 full days in Korea and I already know I am the happiest I've ever been in this country. It's not only the hand-me-downs from my aunt, or the delicious homemade meals made by my grandmother, but also the trips down to the laundromat or the supermarket or the dentist that make me happy- the long car rides, the dusty streets, the man selling dried squid for only 3 dollars. For the first time, I am truly grateful for losing my "blissful ignorance" and "youthful exuberance" because now, I can appreciate what I truly love and be happy from just being. As I started off my UC essay, "I rarely lived in reality." I always made up these fantastic, ideal worlds and threw myself into them. This time around, there's none of that; snapping myself back into reality, it's not so bad. And as of this moment, the cars zooming by, the man yelling through his intercom on the street selling his squids, and a sliver of the -10 degree draft outside seeping through the window next to me, reality might be a little beautiful.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Golden
The capsule breathed its last before its death
And unrelenting, closed before the chance
And ruthless bitter time steals every breath
A guilty trail ingrained, a hopeless trance
For what a dream would time unfurl and bend
And wash these bloody hands of sinful scars
A heart of strangled morals with no mend
All virtues, young, naïve, behind steel bars
Persistent were the words of deep regrets
And desperate were my cries to feel again
One thoughtless act insures eternal debts
An honest youth, such cruelty doubtful then
The world, no longer round, revolves 'bout me
A shadow in the brightest day breaks free
---------------------------------------------
Good February, world
It has come to my attention that I have taken my hiatus too far... one whole month... of allowing this blog to become burdened with my counterpart's depressed and depressing depression. (just playin). I would say that I was busy or out of town but really, who am I lying to? So the truth: I'm a fat, lazy, and worthless slob.
My life? Nothing really. My days are filled with gaming... reading... thinking about homework... not doing it... assassin...... that's pretty much it. I could say more about my deceptively busy schedules but I'll leave all that whining for another day.
My weekend was pretty entertaining, I suppose. Yesterday, I went to the epic basketball game against Monta Vista High school (BOOOOO) on their turf, though the game was almost like a Lynbrook game. The turnout was amazing. We lost by a tantalizing 11 points, but the game meant more than that. 11 points? Whatever. At least we don't have to wear purple pants. But still, it was pretty amazing. Disappointing, yes, but fun. I got to scream my frustrations out- unleash all the vulgar profanities. I've really been missing out, haven't I?
Today, I went to Lynbrook to help out with residency verification. We were directed to come 45 minutes before our shift at 1 to have lunch with all the volunteers and such, which was quite pleasant, I suppose. So much food! And then we started, and there was this sudden influx of people gushing in and we were pretty busy, though I initially had a pretty sucker job of just checking how many chairs were open in each room. But after some shift switching, it was a bit more exciting. I think I've become pro at saying: "Hello. I will take your folder and ticket and you can just take a seat inside the room." Very pleasant.
Then I came home and watched Lie To Me, a new show on Fox (yeah, who knew Fox could have so many kickass shows), and I have to say, I now have something to look forward to on Wednesdays. This show is phenomenal!
And then I watched Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (FUNNY), and now I am here shaking me leg because I kind of have to pee.
But before I go, I just want to say that I hope this epidemic dies down soon. Everyone is sick nowadays and I just feel so conscious of germs all the time. (and forks.)
PEACE!
p.s: if you are ever bored, have a butler fetish, and like watching ridiculous Japanese dramas, this is the thing for you!
p.p.s: Slumdog Millionaire = very good
p.p.p.s: note to self- watch Milk
And unrelenting, closed before the chance
And ruthless bitter time steals every breath
A guilty trail ingrained, a hopeless trance
For what a dream would time unfurl and bend
And wash these bloody hands of sinful scars
A heart of strangled morals with no mend
All virtues, young, naïve, behind steel bars
Persistent were the words of deep regrets
And desperate were my cries to feel again
One thoughtless act insures eternal debts
An honest youth, such cruelty doubtful then
The world, no longer round, revolves 'bout me
A shadow in the brightest day breaks free
---------------------------------------------
Good February, world
It has come to my attention that I have taken my hiatus too far... one whole month... of allowing this blog to become burdened with my counterpart's depressed and depressing depression. (just playin). I would say that I was busy or out of town but really, who am I lying to? So the truth: I'm a fat, lazy, and worthless slob.
My life? Nothing really. My days are filled with gaming... reading... thinking about homework... not doing it... assassin...... that's pretty much it. I could say more about my deceptively busy schedules but I'll leave all that whining for another day.
My weekend was pretty entertaining, I suppose. Yesterday, I went to the epic basketball game against Monta Vista High school (BOOOOO) on their turf, though the game was almost like a Lynbrook game. The turnout was amazing. We lost by a tantalizing 11 points, but the game meant more than that. 11 points? Whatever. At least we don't have to wear purple pants. But still, it was pretty amazing. Disappointing, yes, but fun. I got to scream my frustrations out- unleash all the vulgar profanities. I've really been missing out, haven't I?
Today, I went to Lynbrook to help out with residency verification. We were directed to come 45 minutes before our shift at 1 to have lunch with all the volunteers and such, which was quite pleasant, I suppose. So much food! And then we started, and there was this sudden influx of people gushing in and we were pretty busy, though I initially had a pretty sucker job of just checking how many chairs were open in each room. But after some shift switching, it was a bit more exciting. I think I've become pro at saying: "Hello. I will take your folder and ticket and you can just take a seat inside the room." Very pleasant.
Then I came home and watched Lie To Me, a new show on Fox (yeah, who knew Fox could have so many kickass shows), and I have to say, I now have something to look forward to on Wednesdays. This show is phenomenal!
And then I watched Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (FUNNY), and now I am here shaking me leg because I kind of have to pee.
But before I go, I just want to say that I hope this epidemic dies down soon. Everyone is sick nowadays and I just feel so conscious of germs all the time. (and forks.)
PEACE!
p.s: if you are ever bored, have a butler fetish, and like watching ridiculous Japanese dramas, this is the thing for you!
p.p.s: Slumdog Millionaire = very good
p.p.p.s: note to self- watch Milk
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