regret

This feeling is mutual and universal. It is the "Language of the World" as quoted in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (fantastic, inspiring novel, btw).

I go through the phase perpetually. The "should-have" and "would-have" and "could-have" sentiments hit me almost as regularly as those random pains in the ass (not metaphorically; my ass seriously hurts at times). I think about how my life would have been different if I had just, I don't know... not been a total loser. Or whether or not I should have eaten that fajita burrito. Or how I could have found more productive things to do this summer (like a job). I could have been something- now I'm just quoting "On the Waterfront" (a classic must-see, btw)- but ultimately, I am not. And this is not the time in my life when I should be having doubts about myself and self esteem issues but the thing about those would-should-coulds is that there's nothing I can do about it. That's essentially where life likes to bite people in the ass-- and for me, almost literally. It's what defines failure and success. I mean, if everyone did what they should have done, there would be no evil in this world ergo, there would be no need for police ergo, a movie like Superbad would not exist. And that, my friends, is the apocalypse.

So what is the point of this entry? I have no pretty pictures to show of my yellowing backyard. I can talk about my day but who gives a flying fish. I'm a sucker and a failure but what am I going to do, start giving a care? All I know is that I refrained from using the f-bomb twice in this paragraph and I deserve a pat on the back.

On the road to purity and success. FTW

P.S: somebody, I won't mention names, deliberately called Rachel dumb. That means see you at your grave. That means watch out. I can put my foot behind my head. Biatch~

bitter...sweet...?

Hello, all

The school year of 2007-2008 is finally over. More importantly, Rachel's junior year is over. feelings? bittersweet...? no. just sweet. I don't understand how ANYONE could feel bitter after finishing a treacherous year of school. Sure, the seniors are leaving for college and summer means not being able to see friends every day and, for study-holics like Jacqueline Liu, not being able to study something.

But friends! The "sweet" really does overcome the "bitter." Summer means laboring under the globally warmed sun, sweating profusely, cramming AP Lit and AP Gov homework, not having a job and therefore being broke, not having a driver's license, starting on college apps, studying for SATs, studying for De Anza classes, gaining weight, getting dumber, being abandoned by both mothers, turning into a recluse, and ultimately, failing at life.

so, I lie. feelings are now just bitter.

it is coming to a close

• Congrats ECYS '08!
• The Lynbrook graduating class
  
• Weeds
• Sam Chen ??
  
• The prospects of my life
  

There will be essays on the aforementioned topics in the near future. Literally.