This feeling is mutual and universal. It is the "Language of the World" as quoted in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (fantastic, inspiring novel, btw).
I go through the phase perpetually. The "should-have" and "would-have" and "could-have" sentiments hit me almost as regularly as those random pains in the ass (not metaphorically; my ass seriously hurts at times). I think about how my life would have been different if I had just, I don't know... not been a total loser. Or whether or not I should have eaten that fajita burrito. Or how I could have found more productive things to do this summer (like a job). I could have been something- now I'm just quoting "On the Waterfront" (a classic must-see, btw)- but ultimately, I am not. And this is not the time in my life when I should be having doubts about myself and self esteem issues but the thing about those would-should-coulds is that there's nothing I can do about it. That's essentially where life likes to bite people in the ass-- and for me, almost literally. It's what defines failure and success. I mean, if everyone did what they should have done, there would be no evil in this world ergo, there would be no need for police ergo, a movie like Superbad would not exist. And that, my friends, is the apocalypse.
So what is the point of this entry? I have no pretty pictures to show of my yellowing backyard. I can talk about my day but who gives a flying fish. I'm a sucker and a failure but what am I going to do, start giving a care? All I know is that I refrained from using the f-bomb twice in this paragraph and I deserve a pat on the back.
On the road to purity and success. FTW
P.S: somebody, I won't mention names, deliberately called Rachel dumb. That means see you at your grave. That means watch out. I can put my foot behind my head. Biatch~
