Outliers

Last night, I shared a few beers with my father and discussed the inevitable situation of our infinitely separated family. I don’t normally like talking about this, but it’s not because it’s made me emotionally unstable or lacking; I simply don’t feel the need to. It’s not an aspect of my life that necessarily defines me. It’s certainly changed me and affected my “path to adulthood.” But I’m still me, you know? Or you don’t know. Actually, even I don’t know. The point is, I have never really been in a completely complete family, but I’ve gotten so used to it that in those rare instances the four members of my family coexist under the same roof, I feel uncomfortable. It’s unnatural for me. It’s always been my mom, sister, and me. Or my mom and me. Or me. But that was life as I knew it and it never crossed my mind as significant until yesterday, while reading Malcolm Gladwell’s novel, Outliers: The Story of Success.

In the section detailing the “Trouble with Geniuses,” Gladwell suggests that high IQs, or intelligence as we know it, don’t necessarily lead to success. Such is the case for Christopher Langan, with an IQ of 195 (Einstein’s was 150), who now resides in a farm in Missouri with his wife. The reason is the intelligence necessary for acclaimed, successful geniuses: practical intelligence, the art of getting what one wants in the world. Gladwell then explains the reason as explicated in various case studies: the genius child’s upbringing, usually closely correlated with his or her socioeconomic situation. A child raised in a middle-class home grows up learning how to speak to authority figures and question adults. They understand that authority figures exist to guide and help them, and thus utilize that guidance for their own good. For example, one of the case studies goes to the doctors with his mother, and his mother tells him to ask the doctor any questions if he has any. The boy then asks the doctor after his examination about some bumps under his arms, inquiring what they are and asking the doctor to take a look. On the other hand, children raised in a poor home learn to fend for themselves and never ask for anything from their superiors. The most prominent example is Christopher Langan, raised in a family of 5 children and an abusive father. In return, Christopher grows up resenting the authority figure, consequently failing to gain any practical intelligence.

I just wrote up a fucking book report (I couldn’t help myself, that section was too bloody interesting) because I have to sort out what went through my head as I read this. Although I can’t really say I am from a low-income family, I was raised with the mentality of taking what I can get and taking care of myself. All through my adolescence, I was often on my own, and though I never begrudge that, I learned that it not only made me prone to homealoneness, but also resistant to receiving assistance. How do I know this? I’m deathly afraid of Korean department stores because of the clothing store workers who loom over my shoulder, saying in their saccharine voices, “Do you need some help?” When the man at the restaurant gives me the wrong order, I say nothing and eat what I’m given—this one especially, since I noticed that my parents enabled this behaviour by not doing anything as well. And I’m the kid who goes to the doctor with all these problems, but bounces out as soon as the examination if over. I dislike asking my teachers for anything—I usually dislike asking anyone for anything. I can’t say if it’s necessarily a bad thing or not since I’m not really an extreme case (I don’t even know if I’m a case at all) in this study, but I must be extremely interested in child development psychology or something. Now, I analyze all my cousins’ actions and speculate just how they were raised… it’s kind of fascinating yeah? Bottom line is, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK.

Moving on, I started off by telling the story of father daughter bonding time because I intended to write this entry detailing my sentiments on coming back to Korea for so long. Since I’ve exhausted a lot of my energy gushing about the new revelations I had, I’ll just say what Korea has done for me in a nutshell.
-I love this city life. It’s invigorating. There are so many things to do. I’m rarely that bored. (Sometimes, I am)
-I love the place I’m staying… the bit more country-like city of Deokso placed so nicely next to the river.
-Korea, though, still is not the country for me. It has a very distinct shallowness you can only experience after actually staying here for a while.
-I love the service in Korea, but not the every day people on the streets. They’re not as friendly and opening as the people back at home.
-I highly dislike the girls in Korea. Enough said.
-I mildly dislike the men in Korea. More specifically, the “men.”
-I really really enjoy my students! Or at least, one of them. I don’t know if I’m allowed to have favorites but I do. XD
-I also really like my cousins! It does help that I haven’t seen my little vixen from hell yet.
-Casually sipping beers with dad at a restaurant while my mom laughs at my asian glow... priceless.
-I also really like the culture. I actually love traditional Korean music. Not so much the recent Wonder Girls, SNSD shit that play NONSTOP here.
-I miss home… a nice picture message from my sister with snowflake made me actually incredibly nostalgic.

Moving on, I got new shoes today, and usually, I don’t share news like this but I have to say, these make me feel very happy. They’re not like any shoes I’ve owned before but they were just calling to me.



Otherwise..... Korea's fine, I'm fine, so I guess I'll leave this blog on a happy note for once. Hardy har har.

lmaonade.

an empty ramble

the feeling of senioritis rushing through my veins is not a good one. The feeling is familiar. It is me walking around school or wherever, not knowing where I'm going, why I'm going, and how I'm going... kind of drained the purpose of living from me and that was the only thing that kept me going. Kind of like those fish that died because they took out the sharks because what's the point of living when there's nothing to live for- survival. And I always needed a goal, a purpose, and not one that I make up for myself because I know down there that it's a fake one and I need the complete truth to convince myself of the truth. So I can't shoot for that 4.0 because I know in my heart that it means nothing to me- anymore, that is. I also remember being surrounded by those zombie-like seniors last year, yearning to feel what they felt with no worries or stress but senioritis is a dubbed a disease for a reason. it's like those viruses that see you're a-okay so it does whatever it can to fuck you up and I doubt there's actually a virus that does that or if there is then surprise me. But you know what I mean? It's like you say you have no troubles, so you go out and make yourself more trouble. That's human nature? is it? because that is the worst punishment God can give to mankind. I think satisfaction is the greatest feeling on Earth, and I think it is the greatest because it is the most unattainable. My brain is empty.
In my free time I like to ponder a lot of things like religion or human behaviour, especially my own because there is nobody I want to know better than myself. And after studying myself and the things I do and the things I say, I come to a conclusion that man is inherently evil- like Hobbes said. And though when we learned him, I thought, what a man, what a cynic, what a blubbering pessimist, it feels correct. sometimes, I can't differentiate a lie from the truth, especially the ones I say myself because by then, I've convinced myself that I am ultimately correct. It's either a defense mechanism or just a really bad ego but it's the constant self-justification that undercuts all my actions. And by then, my actions are what they truly are- acts. So I dig, but the further I dig, the more my actions become even deeper acts, and the hole only gets bigger and wider and all encompassing.
everything's to happen after watching spaceships crash into outerspace matter for two hours and loving every bit of it; live long and prosper

i also wonder why there are always so many spring birthdays.

i can hardly walk, where is my advil?

Today is Cal Day hence I am awake at 6am. Rachel and I will be taking the BART all the way up and down. Because I broke my cellphone two days ago while I was down in San Diego, I do not have any of my own means of communication. This normally would not bother me, but the last time I traveled significantly far without a line, and by this I mean- took the highway, my car broke down, I had to abuse it to get it off the highway, walk to a local cafe to ask to borrow a phone, and wait awkwardly for 45 minutes or so until my friends were able to pick me up.

Hm. I had more to say, but I am now done taking a crap.

good day as I wash up and get my Cal plans ready to be executed

one hundred

Today, I called Jacqueline to go hiking. It ended in disaster. It was disastrous. Jacqueline failed me. THAT IS ALL

THAT IS HOW I AM WASTING OUR 100TH POST.

busy!

we are nearing our 100th post, but at the rate Jacqueline and I are going, we'll probably never get there. It's like we're secretly playing that game where you pick out 1-3 marbles from a pile of... a lot and you try not to pick the last marble. Let's see who gets that cursed 100th.

Let's see... second semester is horrendous. I've actually never felt so stressed and anxious in my life. Even my junior year was a lot (a LOT) more relaxing than this. Not only are my goddamn AP classes trying to drill me to a desk, chain me to a wall, and rape me to death, but these college decisions are leaving me in a state of clueless surreality. What, where, how? College? That shit was always foreign to me. I thought I'd spend my second semester living in the present and living for the future, but I have spent more time thinking about the past- the things I could have done differently and the things I'm glad I did. I mean, it's too late now, but maybe I'm just trying to reminisce.

Enough of that. I've added another two TV shows to my healthy collection. I have to admit, though, that Kings was a slight disappointment. I started it to fulfill my secret fantasies of watching a show based on tyrannical monarchies and elite nobility, but I guess that stuff is best in Elizabethan England (or even before! King Henry VIII and his six wives? fascinating!). It was way too modern and unrealistic for me, but the acting is pretty impressive and it doesn't hurt that the main character looks like a younger, fresher Matt Damon with a splash of James Dean's sultriness. Castle is also interesting, and I rarely say that about ABC shows (adult Disney channel). I was so excited to see Captain Mal Reynolds back on the small screen, this time playing a flirty but sharp writer. I'd tel you I started watching it because of my sister, but I'm pretty sure my subconscious was won over at the word "castle." And I do not have a fetish for anything royal.

I made myself a schedule for this week, but I am already killing it. I should actually be doing gov homework right now. SSS, forreal.

I also recently discovered Nature Valley granola bars. I always pushed it away after some bad experience with energy bars in general, but my eyes have been opened.

Trust nobody.

107

All it took was Malware... and 3 hours early morning of battling it out against the 'AntiVirus 360' worm and dozens of Trojan Vundos. My computer crashed about four times, the screen turned a deadly blue two times, and I repeatedly slammed my face into my laptop, wailing, the whole way through. Just imagining a parasitic worm wiggling through my precious Pikey repulsed me. I was a mother watching her child get sick- really sick- after a week of fevers and coughs, and it was such a helpless feeling.

But healing my laptop is such a relief. I felt pretty hacker logging into my system configuration and registry; I feel like I know my computer better now. I guess whipping my child really lets our blood flow as one. (ha ha ha.)

Anyways, I shall be more careful where I go now. I'm pretty sure the trojans came from all the Chuck I was watching on different sites. This is why I do not trust sidereel but... desperate times called for desperate measures.

I've been pretty disconnected from the world this week- mostly because I spent most of my days sleeping and watching Chuck. Thursday was probably the worst because I had no cellphone and the viruses affected my gtalk and facebook- cut off from all means of communication.

I finally uploaded pictures from Korea onto my laptop, and I plan to pick out a few to put in a facebook album. Because nothing is official until it is on facebook.

That has been my life. I think I also deserve to die in Assassin because I am very half-assing this game now. Eyes on the prize.

today was also an adventure. Oh, the things we sacrifice to see some pandas on a wall.

ash wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday... though I don't know the exact significance of the day, I know it marks the beginning of Lent. That, I know a bit more about: Jesus battling his way through the desert for 40 days, never falling into Satan's many temptations. Although I can rarely call myself a Catholic on any given day, there is something about Lent that intrigues me; it seems to be the only religious "holiday" that I actually follow. Traditionally, someone would sacrifice something prominent in his or her life for 40 days; I know people who gave up things like facebook (unspeakable!), meat (disgrace to the family name), or just plain sweets (Chocolat, anyone?). I could never really sacrifice anything because of my lack of self control, but I do try fixing small things- lying less, spending carefully, or working harder. Anyways, I haven't decided what I should try doing this year, but I think it's about time I step down from the high horse for a while and try battling some of my vices... not religiously, really- never religiously.

Speaking of vices, I recently made a list of all the TV shows I watch on a regular basis. I won't list them here, but I can name about 14 shows on primetime that I follow. Sad? Pretty much. I don't really know when I started watching all these TV shows since I don't even have a functional TV in my house, but I guess that's just the beauty of the internet.

Lastly, I heard a poem in lit today that just made me shiver a little. Maybe it was just my terrible lack of sleep (THANKS, JET LAG), but still. Don't taunt me. Somethings just really touch me sometimes, you know? (that is not what she said)


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Fire and Ice by Robert Frost